Surrender

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi (Painting Yuri Shimojo)

No Coward Soul is Mine

No coward soul is mine, / No trembler in the world's storm-troubled sphere; / I see Heaven's glories shine, / And, Faith shines equal, arming me from Fear. (Emily Bronte)



In the quiet my heart opens. An invisible, infinite key for an invisible, infinite door. Sensing fear's grip has slipped, I smile.

+ Yesenia

"The creator of the world paints on, carelessly throughout the day" - Tagore

In 1913, Rabindranath Tagore became the first non-European to win the Nobel Prize for Literature. He also happened to write one of my favorite love poems.

Unending Love

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times…
In life after life, in age after age, forever.
My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs,
That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms,
In life after life, in age after age, forever.

Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, it's age-old pain,
It's ancient tale of being apart or together.
As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge,
Clad in the light of a pole-star piercing the darkness of time:
You become an image of what is remembered forever.

You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount.
At the heart of time, love of one for another.
We have played along side millions of lovers, shared in the same
Shy sweetness of meeting, the same distressful tears of farewell-
Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.

Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you
The love of all man’s days both past and forever:
Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life.
The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours –
And the songs of every poet past and forever.

~Rabindranath Tagore

I'll start the fire with a dancer....

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others"

— Martha Graham

Did I ever tell you my story about Bjork?

I've been thinking quite a bit lately about this blog and my plans to revamp it around the idea of creativity-spirituality-art. A few things keep on replaying in my mind: the act of creating, inspiration and freedom. What do these mean? What do I want to say about them? And during this process, different artists names have come to mind: Bill Viola, Twist (yes, I'm putting them in the same sentence) and then today Bjork creeped into my thoughts.

Now you can love or hate her music. It's one or the other. One thing you can't deny is the woman is inspired. She's moved to create. She's given herself the freedom to do it her way. I don't like all her music. But the fact that she exists and IS and DOES I find Inspiring.

Now to my Bjork story. The year is 1988 or so...and I'm in highschool. It's a school night but I really want to go to One Step Beyond and hang out. If memory serves me correct it was a Wednesday and Tara was down to go. We show up and the place is dead. There couldn't be more than 20 people there to watch some band called the Sugarcubes who are scheduled to play. Tara and I sat down and ordered a drink (non alcohol of course) and as we are sitting there the tinniest little girl walked in through the front door with two men behind her but I barely noticed them. I was completely transfixed by her being. Seeing her was like realizing fairies were real and one had just waltzed in. She was ethereal. Her face was smooth and white as alabaster and her hair a shock of black. She had a deep part; hair was combed over and right in the middle of her head she wore a wide, shiny red hairpin to keep it in place. It was an awkward placement. I couldn't stop staring at it. That pin was like a koan to my brain -"WHAT IS THE SOUND OF ONE HAND CLAPPING?" I'm sure my mind melted a bit. It definitely expanded. I can't remember the top she wore but I do recall her skirt made out of stretchy material with a wire at the bottom seam. It was a perfect replica of the skirt the Jetson's mom wore, only silver. Honestly, my world was never the same after seeing her. All I can remember thinking was "Where the F$#@ did she come from?" and being so in awe of someone who was so honestly themselves.

A short time later, she ended up on stage singing God knows what. I couldn't understand a word she said and the music was so new my brain really could not process it all. Tara and I did not stay long after that but Bjork, who was soon after to became a huge success, forever become a symbol to me of the act of being inspired, free and surrendering to the act of creating.

The Muses

The breeze of dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep
People are going back and forth
across the doors where
the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.

~Rumi

In a recent Wisdom University workshop I was blessed to be in the company of 20 or so silver crowned muses. A few men, but mostly women over 50 and a couple of them into their early 70's made up the bulk of the participants. I had come to the workshop with the intention of giving myself some creative space and hadn't had the time to think about it much to form any expectations. But, when I first walked into the the room being used for "Body Prayer" led by Bruce Silverman I quickly realized I hadn't expected the difference in age between myself and the rest of the group. "Alright, where is this going?," I thought. The women from first look appeared like ordinary women of mature age wearing easy spirit shoes and granny clothes made for comfort (NO, actually not at all but gotchya!).

Bruce raised his hand and brought it down on his drum and BOOM, these women were moving. Holy crap, these women don't hold back. I thought of something a friend told me about old school NYC in the 70's and 80's...if you weren't dancing at the club- you had no business on the dance floor...so if you're shy or you don't dance..get to steppin' cause you're taking up space.

So I moved.

I moved all week. BOOM. Out of my comfort zone. BOOM. Out of where I felt safe. BOOM. Out of my preconceptions. BOOM Out of my misconceptions. BOOM. Out of my false sense of self. BOOM right into a deeper sense of me. BOOM into real beauty. BOOM into this next stage of womanesssssssss.

Because let me tell you....when you're in a a room with women who glow from the inside and fill a room with their light.....Who's deep lines were formed by the drips of joy and sorrow experienced in life...and the sparkle in their eye looks to the future ahead....a thirty something like me has no excuses to not- BOOM. Shed her old skin.

Once a snake sheds it's old skin. It never tries to put it back on. In fact it never goes anywhere near it.


The workshop was amazing...I did get a chance to write. To create and create over and over again for a week straight. That in itself was fulfilling and desperately longed for. But, I have experienced a deeper sense of the Divine and myself in the Divine through my Paramita Work (www.paramitapath.org). I meditate a lot. I do light healing on myself and others. I brainwash myself with positive thoughts until it's second nature. I will to be of service in all I do. I surrender myself and all I think I am. But, lately, I've been struggling with the physical-ness of being. With where I am in terms of age. Where do I fit as a thirty something quickly pushing forty-ish woman? Where is my place? In this heavy world? In this everything-is-disposable country I call home? In this fabulous metropolis where there is always someone younger...nipping at your heels (as I've heard so many of my friends declare in exasperated breath)?

Thirty-something is the Tween of Middle Age. Not "hot" and in your 20's anymore and not yet 40 and "over the hill".

Being in the presence of these women was medicine for me. In an earthy, OK I'll say it - in a embracing your inner Goddess kind of way. They helped me see the true beauty I acquire from every year that falls behind me. To really own the thought twinkles I had which I wasn't sure I should have like...I love the way my silver strands are growing in.....or I appreciate my body so much more now than I did 20 years ago (wow, I can say TWENTY years ago).

In fact, almost 20 years ago, I remember driving up to SF with a friend and talking about working out (I was a beast at the gym) and he told me how I had to keep it up and not "lose" it. "I only plan to get better with age", was my annoyed response. I assure you when I said it I wasn't declaring my life's mantra. But, I don't believe in aging or growing old in the classical sense (ask anyone in their 20's, 30's or 40's who's dared to say they are "old" in my presence - why do they do that!). It is my plan to get better with age - which is not dependent on working out as often as I once did. My waist isn't as small but my heart is big. My breasts may not be as perky but my life is full. My face may not be as smooth but I am filled with peace.

I can hear the women's voices now, as we often recited out loud during the workshop:

The breeze of dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep
People are going back and forth
across the doors where
the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.

~Rumi

Thank you ladies.

+ Little Miss Shiny

Greet the Light Inside

"My grandmother used to tell me that as you sat in Quaker silence you were to go inside to greet the light. That expression stuck with me." James Turrell, From the interview titled "Greeting the Light" by Richard Whittaker at www.conversations.org

Years ago I studied in London and when the time came for me to return to California, one of the last things I did was go see a James Turrell exhibit with my best friend. I had no idea who he was, or what he did, but because there was a line to get into the room of his installation we decided to check it out.

Only a few people were allowed in at a time. Our turn finally came and we entered into a very large dark room with a far wall lit up in a beautiful hue of blue. The room was massive, with an extremely high ceiling, very wide and the far wall was some distance away. We slowly approached the lit up wall and all I could think of was "this is lame", "what's so great about a big room with one wall lit up?"

We casually walked closer and closer all the while I my "Cosmopolitan" brain wasn't able to get what the big deal was. Sure, it was a nice blue, but does lighting up a wall constitute fine art? It would make a nice party room (I was young, forgive me). We finally reached the wall and I stood there staring at it and then all at once I gasped, I raised my arm and reached out in front of me. I felt my mind and entire body expand, there was no wall.



Only light.







in light...little miss shiny

Gracias a la Vida

a friend posted this blast from the past on his facebook. i LOVE mercedes sosa and this song is one of my favorites. below you can find the english translation to this song written by violeta parra. my heart gets big just listening to the song. vida, yes, I am very grateful. even when i'm sad, or mad, or scared, frustrated or at my wits end....in those times especially it's imperative to remember the little things that make life a beautiful song.




IN GRATITUDE TO LIFE

Thank you, Life, for you gave me so much.
You gave me two stars for eyes and when I open them
I can perfectly distinguish black from white
And up above in the skies the constellations
And in the crowds the man I love.

Thank you, Life, for you gave me so much.
You gave me ears so that I can hear
And record the sounds day and night of
Crickets, canaries, factories, dogs barking,
The rain falling, and the sweet voice of my loved one.

Thank you, Life, for you gave me so much.
You gave me the sounds and the alphabet
And with them the words I think of and declare
Mother, friend, brother and light shining
Over the route of my loved one's soul.

Thank you, Life, for you gave me so much.
You gave my tired feet the strength to walk
On them I have visited cities and potholes
Beaches and deserts, mountains and valleys
And your house, your street, your backyard.

Thank you, Life, for you gave me so much.
You gave me my heart that beats like a drum
When I see the fruits of the human brain
When I see good so far away from evil
When I look in the depth of your beautiful eyes.

Thank you, Life, for you gave me so much.
You gave me laughter and tears
So I can express happiness and sorrow
The two elements my songs are made of
And your songs, which are like my songs,
And everybody's songs, which are also mine.

Thank you Life.