Magnetic Zero

Jade's joy is infectious...4min30sec is my favorite part...



"What we've been trying to do since the beginning of this climb is to not stray from the beauty and openness that started it. We want to keep things real and open and adventurous and be sure the spirit of joy is still in it." - Alex Albert

"I felt like a robot, like I was ignoring my instincts and at the end of my rope. But then I had a sort of renaissance. I began asking myself, "What did I want to do as a kid?" I was in AA at this time, but I stopped going and for the first time in so long I felt wonder return to my eyes and my heart. The idea of love had been BS to me, but now it felt powerful again. Jade and I hooked up during this transition, and love was kind of something we rediscovered together. She and I began making music in its most elementary form – we sang in unison, sometimes out of key. We were making music with horns and strings and background vocals and percussion. And without even realizing it at first, this album and this band started happening."

-Alex Ebert on moving from Ima Robot to creating Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

* Quotes taken from "Music Monday: 15 Minutes With Alex Ebert (aka Edward Sharpe)" by Jessica Clefati, Mother Jones

Everything is a Miracle

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all art and science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead.. his eyes are closed.

- Albert Einstein

Art Comes in Many Forms

I was minding my own business reading the New York Times today when I saw a photo of one of my favorite people in the world sitting next to Robert Redford. Victor Diaz. Victor is one of the first two honoree's of the newly opened Robert Redford Center in Berkley and their “Art of Activism” program. It is part of its series featuring prominent people and honoring local activists. Art comes in many forms and it reminds me of a quote I came across recently by Elbert Hubbard: "Art is not a Thing it is a way". We all create in this world and luckily we have people like Victor, who through their "way" and inspired vision take it upon themselves to contribute to their community and empower others.

Those of you close to me have heard me talk about Victor at one point or another. He's always the first person I think of when I'm asked to name a "hero". He's being recognized today for the work he's done as an educator and as a Principal at the Berkley Technology Academy (a High School Continuation School). I've never seen him in the classroom but as a friend of his I can tell you that when he's kicking your ass in gear he does it with a lot of love and BECAUSE HE BELIEVES IN YOU. He believes in what kid's have to offer the world. Especially those that everyone else is ready to give up on.

Yet again Victor, you've upped the bar and lit another fire under my @$$. Love you!

For those of you who want to read the article here is the link (copy and paste):
http://bayarea.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/02/10/redford-honors-activism-at-new-berkeley-center/?scp=2&sq=robert%20redford&st=cse

I do not Seek I Find - Picasso

“Each second we live is a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that will never be again. And what do we teach our children? We teach them that two and two make four, and that Paris is the capital of France. When will we also teach them what they are? We should say to each of them: Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. In all the years that have passed, there has never been another child like you. Your legs, your arms, your clever fingers, the way you move. You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything. Yes, you are a marvel. And when you grow up, can you then harm another who is, like you, a marvel? You must work, we must all work, to make the world worthy of its children.” - Picasso

Very Short video but I feel like I'm in his studio watching him paint for that brief moment.

"The creator of the world paints on, carelessly throughout the day" - Tagore

In 1913, Rabindranath Tagore became the first non-European to win the Nobel Prize for Literature. He also happened to write one of my favorite love poems.

Unending Love

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times…
In life after life, in age after age, forever.
My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs,
That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms,
In life after life, in age after age, forever.

Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, it's age-old pain,
It's ancient tale of being apart or together.
As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge,
Clad in the light of a pole-star piercing the darkness of time:
You become an image of what is remembered forever.

You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount.
At the heart of time, love of one for another.
We have played along side millions of lovers, shared in the same
Shy sweetness of meeting, the same distressful tears of farewell-
Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.

Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you
The love of all man’s days both past and forever:
Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life.
The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours –
And the songs of every poet past and forever.

~Rabindranath Tagore

I'll start the fire with a dancer....

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others"

— Martha Graham

Did I ever tell you my story about Bjork?

I've been thinking quite a bit lately about this blog and my plans to revamp it around the idea of creativity-spirituality-art. A few things keep on replaying in my mind: the act of creating, inspiration and freedom. What do these mean? What do I want to say about them? And during this process, different artists names have come to mind: Bill Viola, Twist (yes, I'm putting them in the same sentence) and then today Bjork creeped into my thoughts.

Now you can love or hate her music. It's one or the other. One thing you can't deny is the woman is inspired. She's moved to create. She's given herself the freedom to do it her way. I don't like all her music. But the fact that she exists and IS and DOES I find Inspiring.

Now to my Bjork story. The year is 1988 or so...and I'm in highschool. It's a school night but I really want to go to One Step Beyond and hang out. If memory serves me correct it was a Wednesday and Tara was down to go. We show up and the place is dead. There couldn't be more than 20 people there to watch some band called the Sugarcubes who are scheduled to play. Tara and I sat down and ordered a drink (non alcohol of course) and as we are sitting there the tinniest little girl walked in through the front door with two men behind her but I barely noticed them. I was completely transfixed by her being. Seeing her was like realizing fairies were real and one had just waltzed in. She was ethereal. Her face was smooth and white as alabaster and her hair a shock of black. She had a deep part; hair was combed over and right in the middle of her head she wore a wide, shiny red hairpin to keep it in place. It was an awkward placement. I couldn't stop staring at it. That pin was like a koan to my brain -"WHAT IS THE SOUND OF ONE HAND CLAPPING?" I'm sure my mind melted a bit. It definitely expanded. I can't remember the top she wore but I do recall her skirt made out of stretchy material with a wire at the bottom seam. It was a perfect replica of the skirt the Jetson's mom wore, only silver. Honestly, my world was never the same after seeing her. All I can remember thinking was "Where the F$#@ did she come from?" and being so in awe of someone who was so honestly themselves.

A short time later, she ended up on stage singing God knows what. I couldn't understand a word she said and the music was so new my brain really could not process it all. Tara and I did not stay long after that but Bjork, who was soon after to became a huge success, forever become a symbol to me of the act of being inspired, free and surrendering to the act of creating.

What Inspired You Today?

I heard that if there is ever a day you aren't inspired then you can pretty much call yourself dead. So I ask you...what inspired you today? Me? Marina's introspection. A dancing, singing chicken early in the morning. Friends to laugh with. www.pairsofchairs.wordpress.com. skater boys in a row. down to earth girl with synthetic breasts. Rachel's smile. Jason breaking it down to me from singapore after too much to drink. opportunity. wishing.

The Muses

The breeze of dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep
People are going back and forth
across the doors where
the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.

~Rumi

In a recent Wisdom University workshop I was blessed to be in the company of 20 or so silver crowned muses. A few men, but mostly women over 50 and a couple of them into their early 70's made up the bulk of the participants. I had come to the workshop with the intention of giving myself some creative space and hadn't had the time to think about it much to form any expectations. But, when I first walked into the the room being used for "Body Prayer" led by Bruce Silverman I quickly realized I hadn't expected the difference in age between myself and the rest of the group. "Alright, where is this going?," I thought. The women from first look appeared like ordinary women of mature age wearing easy spirit shoes and granny clothes made for comfort (NO, actually not at all but gotchya!).

Bruce raised his hand and brought it down on his drum and BOOM, these women were moving. Holy crap, these women don't hold back. I thought of something a friend told me about old school NYC in the 70's and 80's...if you weren't dancing at the club- you had no business on the dance floor...so if you're shy or you don't dance..get to steppin' cause you're taking up space.

So I moved.

I moved all week. BOOM. Out of my comfort zone. BOOM. Out of where I felt safe. BOOM. Out of my preconceptions. BOOM Out of my misconceptions. BOOM. Out of my false sense of self. BOOM right into a deeper sense of me. BOOM into real beauty. BOOM into this next stage of womanesssssssss.

Because let me tell you....when you're in a a room with women who glow from the inside and fill a room with their light.....Who's deep lines were formed by the drips of joy and sorrow experienced in life...and the sparkle in their eye looks to the future ahead....a thirty something like me has no excuses to not- BOOM. Shed her old skin.

Once a snake sheds it's old skin. It never tries to put it back on. In fact it never goes anywhere near it.


The workshop was amazing...I did get a chance to write. To create and create over and over again for a week straight. That in itself was fulfilling and desperately longed for. But, I have experienced a deeper sense of the Divine and myself in the Divine through my Paramita Work (www.paramitapath.org). I meditate a lot. I do light healing on myself and others. I brainwash myself with positive thoughts until it's second nature. I will to be of service in all I do. I surrender myself and all I think I am. But, lately, I've been struggling with the physical-ness of being. With where I am in terms of age. Where do I fit as a thirty something quickly pushing forty-ish woman? Where is my place? In this heavy world? In this everything-is-disposable country I call home? In this fabulous metropolis where there is always someone younger...nipping at your heels (as I've heard so many of my friends declare in exasperated breath)?

Thirty-something is the Tween of Middle Age. Not "hot" and in your 20's anymore and not yet 40 and "over the hill".

Being in the presence of these women was medicine for me. In an earthy, OK I'll say it - in a embracing your inner Goddess kind of way. They helped me see the true beauty I acquire from every year that falls behind me. To really own the thought twinkles I had which I wasn't sure I should have like...I love the way my silver strands are growing in.....or I appreciate my body so much more now than I did 20 years ago (wow, I can say TWENTY years ago).

In fact, almost 20 years ago, I remember driving up to SF with a friend and talking about working out (I was a beast at the gym) and he told me how I had to keep it up and not "lose" it. "I only plan to get better with age", was my annoyed response. I assure you when I said it I wasn't declaring my life's mantra. But, I don't believe in aging or growing old in the classical sense (ask anyone in their 20's, 30's or 40's who's dared to say they are "old" in my presence - why do they do that!). It is my plan to get better with age - which is not dependent on working out as often as I once did. My waist isn't as small but my heart is big. My breasts may not be as perky but my life is full. My face may not be as smooth but I am filled with peace.

I can hear the women's voices now, as we often recited out loud during the workshop:

The breeze of dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep
People are going back and forth
across the doors where
the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.

~Rumi

Thank you ladies.

+ Little Miss Shiny

I'm Just Going to take a minute and let it breeze...

My Uncle was found dead this week in the bathroom of a public restroom with a needle in his arm. He had been out six weeks after an 11 year stint in prison for committing "crimes" that in the end only ever really hurt him.

His death was a surprise. Really it was. He was loved, and we were all happy he was out.

There are so many things I want to write about right now. How not all people in prison are "bad". How I can't stand the judicial process especially when it comes to the poor or people with lovely shades of brown and black skin. I want to write about how painful it must be for my Grandmother to lose another son to the monkey on his back. How angry I am, How sad I am, How frustrated I am and want to quit my job and do healing work full time. How his death slaps me in the face and reminds me: love your daughter, protect her, teach her but in the end you will have to let her go and she will create her own path. Her life is her own.

I want to write about how all my Uncles had the habit of walking around in Levi's with no shirts on. One of them still does. I want to write about the memories I have of my Uncle who just passed but really all I've been able to think about since he died is beauty, love and creation.


Beauty, Love and Creation.

At first all I could see was despair. Those drunks who are always on the corner seemed to multiply. The lines on their faces were deeper, their stench riper. I felt the keen sense of sh*t those men and I are the same. We can't progress to a better world if any one person on earth is sad or is suffering. Not one. And I wondered do these men notice the sky and how beautiful it looks? Do they notice how green everything is this summer with all the rain? Did they have a mother that loved them and do they ever think of her and her affection? I would go out on a limb and say MAYBE they are free, more free than I am, except their alcoholism tells me otherwise.

Beauty and Love. Two simple and abundant things. Creation, our remit. I went back in time to when my daughter was smaller than she is now. And she would throw a tantrum for whatever wasn't working in her world at the moment. "This is the worst day ever" is usually what would come out of her little lips...followed by the standard response of myself and my brother "worst day SO FAR". I got into the habit of forcing her to name all the things that made her happy and that she loved. We'd go back and forth...."I love the color blue", "I love drawing", "I love cherries", "I love roses and gardens", "I love swimming" until eventually she would stop crying and feel better. As hard as it is to see sometimes there is more beauty and love in the world than anything ANYTHING else. You can kick it to the curb if you want. But it was created for all of us and is at our disposal whenever we need it.



Yes, I know, sometimes it's hard to see with all the trash on the street, dilapidated buildings and sidewalks that need repair. Ignorant people saying and doing ugly things to others. Commercials, commercialism, being tied to a job you don't enjoy, war, poverty...I'm sure you can name many other things. None of those things God created. Man did. When I remember this simple fact it gives me renewed hope when doubt tries to sneak it's way in. When I walk my white fluffy dog in the morning I've gotten into the habit of focusing only on those things that man didn't create. The sky. The wind. The pretty bird on the fence. The woman wearing a blue dress. Grass. That pretty tree with white flowers. Rain. Love. Beauty. Joy. Giving. Sharing.



My Uncle was in prison for 11 years. He was out for six weeks when he overdosed. And all I can think of is how he had pain residing inside of him. He identified himself with it and not with the bird on the fence, the breeze that caressed his skin or the sun on his face. He didn't see that the flowers were blooming for him, the smiles on my families faces were spreading for him.

The sun rises everyday for us. The flowers bloom every day for us. The stars shine every night for us. Rivers flow for us. I'm not talking about some manifest destiny stuff....I'm saying that when we are in our saddest and darkest place and that "reality" has taken residence in our being...there is beauty and love all around you working very hard to remind you:

You are beautiful and perfectly loved.

Create.

Greet the Light Inside

"My grandmother used to tell me that as you sat in Quaker silence you were to go inside to greet the light. That expression stuck with me." James Turrell, From the interview titled "Greeting the Light" by Richard Whittaker at www.conversations.org

Years ago I studied in London and when the time came for me to return to California, one of the last things I did was go see a James Turrell exhibit with my best friend. I had no idea who he was, or what he did, but because there was a line to get into the room of his installation we decided to check it out.

Only a few people were allowed in at a time. Our turn finally came and we entered into a very large dark room with a far wall lit up in a beautiful hue of blue. The room was massive, with an extremely high ceiling, very wide and the far wall was some distance away. We slowly approached the lit up wall and all I could think of was "this is lame", "what's so great about a big room with one wall lit up?"

We casually walked closer and closer all the while I my "Cosmopolitan" brain wasn't able to get what the big deal was. Sure, it was a nice blue, but does lighting up a wall constitute fine art? It would make a nice party room (I was young, forgive me). We finally reached the wall and I stood there staring at it and then all at once I gasped, I raised my arm and reached out in front of me. I felt my mind and entire body expand, there was no wall.



Only light.







in light...little miss shiny

Don't Worry Be Happy.

     Alright Alright.  So the inauguration is over and that sense of bliss is somehow slowly fading away as you leave the grocery store with only 2 bags (not even full) and $75 bucks less in your pocket.  When did lemons start costing $1.00 EACH?   Obama has his sights set on the future and so do we but in the meantime it's our job to stay afloat and find things that make us happy. Change is good.  A very wise woman once told me..as many times as you can remember say to yourself "change is good, it works for me not against me".  I can't tell you how often playing that like a broken record in my head has gotten me through ridiculously tough times. 

I have a tendency to resist change.  I have worked like a beast not to and thus suffer needless worry and stress.  Lucky for me, change shows up at my door frequently.  As some of you know I began working on an Oil Trading Desk this past year.    I thought I would hate this job.  I thought for sure it was a change that meant the time had come for me to leave the corporate nipple.  If you don't change the Universe will find a way to force your right? (Thanks Republicans for giving us 8 years of Bush to bring in the change this country so desperately needed!) 

 But, as it turns out I've met some amazing people and learned a lot.  Before all the drama of Oil prices going out of control I had an interesting conversation with one of the big shot caller traders on the desk.  I was expressing my concern that if oil prices went too high what this would mean  not just our country but the rest of the world.  Would this bring civil unrest in some places? (it did) Would food prices go up?  (it did)  Would people suffer as a result? (they did)  His response caught me by surprise.  He said well if it goes up then the country and the world have no choice but to change and find alternate fuels and alter the way they live. (we did).  The prices sky rocketed and have recently tanked.  They've tanked because as a country we changed.  We used less gas.  The world used less gas.  Now, I don't know if this change will stick.  But the point is if we wanted to we can all make a difference.  Quickly.  If the intention is there.  This little oil example occurred in the space of SIX months.  In the summer we had bets on how high it would go (it went higher than anyone had guessed) and by December we were placing bets on how low it would hit by December 31st (it went lower than anyone had imagined.  What if everyone suddenly decided....I'm gonna grow my own vegetables.  I'm gonna sew my own clothes.  I'm going to volunteer 2 hours a week to someone who needs help.  

But, I digress......my point of bringing up the fact that all of sudden 20 bucks in our pocket feels like five is...and the fact that many people are losing their jobs is....maybe it's an opportunity to find joy in little things.  Wow the snow looks beautiful outside...or if you are in California you notice how pretty the hills look at dusk.  Maybe you spend more time with your friends watching a movie at home or making dinner instead of going out some place where it's too loud to hear one another.  Those little things that when we are all wrapped up in the warmth of that beauty the worries become smaller and the feeling of happiness grows bigger as it always should.       

 And that is goooooood.  

DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY. (click)

Sorry! this video was removed by the time I posted..weird! But if you click on the Title above "Don't worry be happy" it will direct you to the video.  Enjoy!

The Humanitarians

I love when things seem to just come together. I've begun putting down on paper my idea for a center that combines art and healing. The same day I started writing it down, I received emails out of no where from people I had mentioned the idea to in the past wanting to help and introduce me to others with similar dreams. Very exciting. It should come as no surprise that the magic continues today with an invite for a panel discussion at Corridor Gallery in Brooklyn called "Humanitarians". They will be discussing the question. "When the path is steep and the outcome uncertain, what compels us to help those in need?" The panelists are 5 creators who persistently come to the aid of others. I've been on the super lookout for events and workshops where I can learn more about being creative and being of service to others at the same time. Good lookin' out universe! Thanks!

For more information on Corridor Gallery visit their website: http://www.corridorgallerybrooklyn.org/

stay peace-

+ little miss shiny

Gracias a la Vida

a friend posted this blast from the past on his facebook. i LOVE mercedes sosa and this song is one of my favorites. below you can find the english translation to this song written by violeta parra. my heart gets big just listening to the song. vida, yes, I am very grateful. even when i'm sad, or mad, or scared, frustrated or at my wits end....in those times especially it's imperative to remember the little things that make life a beautiful song.




IN GRATITUDE TO LIFE

Thank you, Life, for you gave me so much.
You gave me two stars for eyes and when I open them
I can perfectly distinguish black from white
And up above in the skies the constellations
And in the crowds the man I love.

Thank you, Life, for you gave me so much.
You gave me ears so that I can hear
And record the sounds day and night of
Crickets, canaries, factories, dogs barking,
The rain falling, and the sweet voice of my loved one.

Thank you, Life, for you gave me so much.
You gave me the sounds and the alphabet
And with them the words I think of and declare
Mother, friend, brother and light shining
Over the route of my loved one's soul.

Thank you, Life, for you gave me so much.
You gave my tired feet the strength to walk
On them I have visited cities and potholes
Beaches and deserts, mountains and valleys
And your house, your street, your backyard.

Thank you, Life, for you gave me so much.
You gave me my heart that beats like a drum
When I see the fruits of the human brain
When I see good so far away from evil
When I look in the depth of your beautiful eyes.

Thank you, Life, for you gave me so much.
You gave me laughter and tears
So I can express happiness and sorrow
The two elements my songs are made of
And your songs, which are like my songs,
And everybody's songs, which are also mine.

Thank you Life.

get your paramita on

i practice paramita healing. and just today, my website finally went on line! when you get the chance, check it out: www.umisayshine.com. part of the purpose of creating this shine on blog was to compliment my paramita website and practice. in that spirit, it's probably time i talk a little about what paramita is. paramita is a system of natural healing that uses the Divine healing energy that is all around us to help the body heal itself. have you ever heard of reiki? well it's kind of like that. reiki masters who have received paramita attunements report that the paramita energy is stronger, more potent, thicker and has a deep element of love.

personally, my life has been completely transformed by paramita in so many ways. it's given me a strong sense of balance, of love, a sense of wholeness and when things get a bit nuts (which it often does) a place of silence i can come back to so i can get it together and start anew when the morning comes. instead of dreading the day to come when my eyes open, i have begun to appreciate the newness of everyday. consistently. i seldom feel overwhelmed anymore, or exhausted the way i use to feel everyday before paramita.

i give paramita healing sessions. it's the most beautiful work i've ever done. actually it never feels like work. ever. i could do it all day long. in fact my little one complains that i do it too much sometimes. (balance! balance!) it's such beautiful work though, and when i see the look of peace and love on a client when a session is over it's just fantastic. i'm so grateful and humbled to be able to provide the space for them to receive the love and light. if you're interested in learning more about paramita path or healing sessions, you can go to my website: www.umisayshine.com or to my teachers website: www.paramitapath.net.

if you are in los angeles (or nearby) there will be a paramita level I & II workshop the weekend of july 12-13, 2008. in this 2 day workshop, you will receive powerful attunements and techniques that will allow you to heal yourself and others, open your heart to the light and make a quantum leap in our spiritual growth. if you are interested in participating or would like to know more about the workshop and what it entails, contact jesse bliss: jessbliss81@hotmail.com or yanira de posson: yanira1@mac.com.

lots of love! little miss shiny

Interview with Jane Dillenberger

Ms. Jane Dillenberger on creativity, prayer and the spirituality of Andy Warhol. SF Gate.

For those of you who didn't want to click on the link, here's the interview.


If I asked you to name the major artists who have produced a body of work with strong religious themes, Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, Botticelli and Rembrandt would probably come to mind. Whomever you chose, chances are that Andy Warhol wouldn't make the list.
But thanks to art historian Jane Dillenberger we now know that the man who turned the Campbell's soup can and silkscreens of Marilyn Monroe into pop art was in fact deeply religious, and during the last decade of his life painted an extensive series of works based on da Vinci's "Last Supper."
After spotting one large unfinished painting of Jesus and two apostles in a photograph of Warhol's studio, Dillenberger had a hunch that the work wasn't an isolated piece, and began hunting for more religious-themed Warhol works in private collections and galleries in the United States and Europe. After searching for several years she'd found more than 100 "Last Supper" paintings — which she says is the largest series of religious works created by any major American artist. Dillenberger's book "The Religious Art of Andy Warhol" details her "spiritual detective work" — as she described it to me — on Warhol's "Last Supper" series and his personal spiritual practices.
Dillenberger, 92, is a professor of art and religion at Berkeley's Graduate Theological Union and a working art historian since 1942. I interviewed her at her home in Berkeley. She offered me a glass of sherry — the first time that's happened to me while conducting an interview — as we sat together and discussed Warhol, the methods she uses to help students experience divine ecstasy through art and how spirituality connects to creativity.

You've looked at a lot of art over the years. Do you remember the first work that moved you in a spiritual way?
Yes, I remember it vividly. The interesting thing about it is that it wasn't a work of religious art. I was 17 years old, and I was making my first visit to a great museum, the Art Institute of Chicago. Walking into that building — the smell, the feel, the look of it and the sense of history and beauty of all that was treasured there was so overwhelming to me.
I walked into the print department, and there was a little Picasso etching called "The Bath." It was from his blue period when he was doing circus scenes, and it showed a young circus man, a clown, with a little hat. He was lounging against some props, and there was a woman nearby who was giving a boy a bath. She had these wisps of hair down her face, and she was completely absorbed in the child while the man was witnessing all of this, and for some reason that is still not clear to me, it sent me into a real ecstasy. I stood absolutely transfixed before that image.

Why do you think of that as a spiritual experience?
There was something in the sheer beauty that touched me in a deep way. I have always taught that inside great works of art, we have the artist's vision encapsulated somehow. And when we truly yield ourselves to the image and look carefully at what we're seeing, it's possible for us to actually participate in that vision. That's a moment of ecstasy, an experience when we are out of ourselves — that's what ecstasy means, to be out of yourself. And to me that's a great religious moment. I see it as the work of the Holy Spirit coming through. We don't need to label that as Christian, though we may. It's universal.

How do you help students have that experience? Is it just by bringing them into an art museum and having them look at a Picasso or is there something more that you do?
I try to give them a first-hand experience of the work of art, and to get them to look, look, look. The thing I do is to keep their attention fastened on the work long enough that they are sure, and I'm sure, that they are really seeing it, not ideas about it. Of course, I often teach theological students, and they come to my class with a "God is thus and so" and "Jesus is thus and so" attitude. Those ideas have to be pushed aside in order for them to really see and experience the work of art. When they do that, and I always know when it happens, it will lead them to that moment when they get it.

Who are some of the artists you've most enjoyed studying?
One of the more interesting people is Andy Warhol, whom I wrote a book about. The research I did on him was absolutely fascinating. Of all 20th century artists, for him to be so profoundly spiritual and religious was a surprise to me. It was a real discovery.
People don't tend to think of Warhol as spiritual at all.
Not at all. They think of him as deriding spirituality, if anything. Yet he was quite a religious man.

Did you know him?
I've known many of the artists I've studied and written about, but Warhol I did not meet, and it was only after his death that I thought of researching his religious life. The inspiration came from Vanity Fair magazine, which had a series of three articles on him — one of them by John Richardson. And Richardson's essay began with the words: "If you don't know that Andy Warhol was a deeply religious man, you will never understand him." I looked at that, and it made me curious. In the article, there was a color photograph of Warhol's studio at the time of his death, and the painting on the back wall was based on Leonardo's "Last Supper." The minute I saw that I guessed there was going to be a lot more of those.

What gave you that idea?
I suppose it's out of my experience as an art historian. I've known so many artists, been to their studios. It seemed to me this painting was part of a series. I immediately set out to find the others, and eventually I found close to 100 of them.

What was Warhol's religious affiliation?
His family was from the Ukraine, and his mother spoke Czech only. She was extremely pious. It was a form of Catholicism, sort of between Catholicism and the Byzantine Rite church. Warhol concealed it from people, but he never left home without saying prayers with his mother.
Often, he went to the church that was near his home. I interviewed the prior there, and he told me how Warhol would come in every evening and sit in the back pew, in the shadows. He didn't want to be recognized as Andy Warhol. He just prayed and sat there. Sometimes he would come to Sunday services, too.

How did his religious practice influence his art, do you think?
Mostly it seems to have influenced his work in the last two years of life. That's when he painted many, many different versions of "The Last Supper," some of which were ravishingly beautiful. The way he manipulates the medium, the application of the paint on the silk screen so that it isn't flat but has contours to it. It's really lovely.

Why was this happening at the end of his life?
As you know, an attempt was made on his life before he died. A crazy woman came into his studio and shot him. That changed his whole life. He feared for his death from that moment forward. It isn't unusual for people in that situation of fear and anxiety to find religious expression for that, especially for someone grounded in Byzantine spirituality, as Warhol was.

Do you have a favorite artist of the ones that you have studied over the years?
That's hard to answer. I am a Titian and Rubens enthusiast, but my M.A. thesis at Harvard was on Rembrandt's religious art.

What makes Rembrandt's religious work particularly noteworthy?
It differs from the other artists we've named in that he brings a depth of human understanding of the Christ and of the apostles. He makes the religious figures much more human than all of the iconography that we get in traditional art. Interestingly, those paintings were not commissioned by a church — most of his work was for private patrons.

Have you ever wanted to be an artist yourself?
I did paint when I was young. At the University of Iowa, I studied with the artist Grant Rutledge. That was wonderful — I was one of his studio assistants when he was working on a mural. At that point, I had no idea that there was such a thing as art history. I'd always been a painter. When I transferred to the University of Chicago, the head of the art department said to me, "We don't have a very good (art) studio course, but looking at your record I think you'd make a good art historian." And I said, "What is an art historian?" And he said: Well, come to the Art Institute in Chicago Saturday morning at 10:00 in the Flemish galleries, and you'll find out." And all of these doctoral students, smart alecks, were there, and I was absolutely ignorant of their language and so forth, but I fell in love with it right away. And I said, "Yes! I want to be an art historian!" I haven't painted since.

You don't miss it?
Not at all. This is a more thrilling thing to me. Studying other people's work. Living other people's work.

What does it mean to "live" an artist's work?
You must abdicate the "I." The big "I" that's there all the time. It's about leaving yourself behind to be in the work of art.

Sort of like transcending your ego?
Yes, in a way. It's a miraculous moment that's so enriching that once you have had it, you want it again and again and again.

Can you say anything about the connection between creativity and prayer?
Artists themselves have said lots of things that suggest that creativity is rooted in something that could be called prayer. But they are often reluctant to say anything too specific. Even Picasso, when he was asked about his painting, said: "How can I speak of that? A work of art comes to me from so far away."

What do you think he was saying?
I think he was using the privilege of the poet to suggest rather than define. He was in some way saying it was a mystery to him.

What was the "it" he was talking about?
The mystery of creation.

Do you think he believed it came from God?
There are, of course, some religious people who say that all creation is God's, but I have no idea if he believed anything like that. I think many artists have a reverence for the creative act, but they avoid the topic because they realize it's beyond accurate wording. Better to show than tell. Have you ever seen the films of Pollock or Picasso or Matisse. It is just so astonishing!

Which ones do you mean?
There's an old film of Matisse painting where he's using a model who is sitting there on camera. You see him wearing his smock, studying her, and his hand goes up to the canvas. The first time I saw that, I wept.

What moved you so, do you think?
I felt as thought I was seeing creation happening. I was present during the creative act.

Does your own personal faith play a role in your work? If so, how?
I'm sure it does. I'm an Episcopalian, and all my life I've been a fairly regular attendant at church. I never went through a rebellion where my family's going to church and I'm not going and so forth. Of course, the Episcopal Church has a broad spectrum of people. You know, you can be extremely religious and cross yourself, like Catholics do, whereas there are other Episcopalians who are more reticent about their beliefs.

Where do you fall in that continuum?
I fall into the group that believes in the truth that is embodied by the traditions of the church. I value those traditions, even if sometimes I say to myself, "Oh, it's such a beautiful mythology." At Holy Communion, we say that we believe in the bodily resurrection of Jesus, which was taken up to heaven. And if you ask me if I believe that, too, well, I sometimes have doubts about that. But the doubt isn't all that important. I am able to live with the ambiguity, the mystery, to just keep the question without answering it.

And how does that ambivalence influence your work as someone who studies art and religion?
In the moments of greatest doubt, all I have to do is to go back to Matisse and Rubens and Rembrandt. I go back to the great works of art, and their affirmation becomes my affirmation. And I figure they (the artists) must have doubted, too.

Do you think that's the purpose of art, to do that?
I would never ask the question that way. But I do believe that the power of art resides there, and it's being God-inspired. I think that's one reason why it also brings comfort to people who are suffering for one reason or another. I'll give you an example from my own life. I had a son who was killed when he was 18, and I remember that Michelangelo's "Pieta" was a source of comfort to me because the horror that I had been through is, in this sculpture, transformed into purity.
The mother who holds the body of her son upon her lap for the last time, of closeness of flesh to flesh ... that can be represented with horror, but in the case of this sculpture it's represented in great beauty. And somehow that offers the mourner a solace that comes from the power of the beauty itself. It linked me with the grief of all the mothers of the world throughout time who have suffered. And it made me believe that the web of life, which we all weave ourselves, participates in the spirit of beauty that Michelangelo transmitted.

the "c" word. no not that one, the other one.

C-A-T-H-O-L-I-C. "catholic". there, i said it. now the only reason i bring it up is because this institution has been rearing it's head in my life lately and in a creative context. doesn't make sense i know, it's confused the h**l out of me too. because that "c" word, c-r-e-a-t-i-v-e, not the other one, happens to be one of my favorites. i'll admit it, i'm one of those reluctant catholics. one of those that says "well i was born catholic but i'm not really religious. or "i love the art and the beauty of the ritual but that's it". i have less trouble admitting and embracing my san jo-ness. (you san jo expats who claim sf or nyc you know who you are!)

there have been two things that have been a constant presence in my life the first is spirituality and the second is art. don't ask me why, but i realized through some recent experiences that there was a separation of the two inside my brain. even though i grew up with the beautiful images of michaelangelo and ruben somehow the word creative/fun and catholic didn't belong in the same world. the catholic part, i don't really think is important here. but the importance of the creative process and it's irrevocable tie to the expression of the human spirit...it's longing for a means to express all that is...well is important.

so ya, the pattern interrupt. what was it?

1. stumbling into an event one night as i walked my dog called the catholic underground. picture franciscan friars in grey robes rocking out. and they were really really good. so good that i actually went to their event a couple weeks later. i wasn't disappointed. www.catholicunderground.net. I had a brief conversation with the lead singer (weird) to just tell him how stunned I was to see ex skater boy looking monks using their art to share their joy. He got really excited and began telling me how people don't know about this part of the church (i'll say!) which leads me to the 2nd pattern interrupt:

2. pope john paul II wrote a letter to artists. i don't know about you but i found this shocking. if you care to read it, it's kind of long but with some very beautiful bits. google pope, letter to artists. sorry, i'm to lame to figure out how to paste this particular link so you're going to have to work for it.

3. a great article today in the sfgate entitled "the spirituality of andy warhol". who knew?

what i found profound was the interviewee...a 92 year old art historian named jane dillenberger and her description of how she experiences art. here is a link to the interview with jane dillenberger from the SF Gate. It really is worth the read:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2008/05/05/findrelig.DTL

i related to her description immensely because i've never been moved by the institution of church. but i have been by art, by theater, by song, by dance, poetry and literature. by little things like cherry blossom trees in spring and their flower petal rain. watching my daughter wake up and smile. seeing a stranger help someone they don't know. listening to the kids walk out laughing and smiliing from the ice cream shop across the street from my house.

seeker of truth

follow no path

all paths lead where

truth is here

- e.e cummings

that's the kind of stuff that helps my heart open up. that at the end of the day is what's what counts. that your heart opens up. we all have our own way.

xox little miss shiny

Silvana Mangano [el negro zumbon] from film [Anna]

in the beginning

it was and so it is.  here i am.  and there you are.  so close and yet so far!  i created the blog to accompany the website i'm building for my paramita work.  not sure where this is going to take me but when do i ever?  the fact is, there isn't much that i know, so not quite sure what there will be to share.  what i do know is that i am excited about being able to write on a consistent basis. sillyness and joyness and maddness and other esses. oh the drama and excitement of anticipation. of creation.  it's been a long time coming.

today i was editing text for the website and i remembered a quote.  it serves as a reminder for me to reach....to shine....and transcend the fear that i, like so many of us struggle with....

our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

it is our light nor our darkness that most frightens us.

we ask ourselves, who am i to be brilliant, gorgeous,

talented and fabulous?

actually, who are you  not to be?

you are a child of god.

your playing small does not serve the world.

there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won't feel insecure around you.

we were born to make manifest the glory of

god that is within us.

it's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

and as we let our own light shine,

we unconsciously give other people

permission to do the same.

as we are liberated from our own fear,

our presence automatically liberates others.

-marianne williamson

i know your mom taught you that if someone asked you to jump from a bridge not to do it.

for those of us who havne't yet,  i think it's time we jump.  1 - 2 - 3 aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!